(written in the SUmmer of 2015)
A little more than a year ago I worked for assholes galore. I woke up at 3:45am every morning, not because my body was accustomed but because I suffered from anxiety and stress and for years had not been able to achieve a full night's sleep beyond three hours. I binged at night on food or alcohol to self medicate myself to get through the days and weeks and months. My goals were to live long enough to see each of you get into college and then graduate without obstacle or financial debt around your necks. I was paid over six figures where I worked but nothing of value was produced there, I was told to fake it so that everyone who WAS faking it could also get paid. It was a multi-million dollar boondoggle of epic proportions and I was forced to be complicit - because I believed I couldn't walk away from the money that we would use to get you beyond living my crap eating job.
For years you watched me change from the energetic, larger than life woman on a mission to make this world (in my own circle and reach) a better place, at least where the three of you could roam without fear and with reality it became obvious that there will never be such a thing. Companies don't give a shit about their employees and they don't even care if they waste millions protecting a reputation that is actually bought and paid for and not earned. The funny thing - this is a side note about countries - is that the English country that own the name and brand and the executives I've met from England actually are more in tune to what I'm talking about but they left the managing of the US side to Americans who don't have a clue nor want one. So while the Brits get all the flack on a universal scale it's the scumbag Americans who are tarnishing the name and ruining the company. Go figure. But I digress. Back to us.
My day was like that of a prison inmate, up at the same hour, forced to go through the dumbest shit by rote, rarely meetings of substance or value with supervisors and managers who couldn't manage shit out of a diaper bag. Blah, blah, blah, payday, collect your check and go. We all know way too many people who think I hit pay dirt! Six figures to do nothing but bullshit! Really?!?! Yet the price was to listen to assholes degrade women and LGBT and Muslims and you name it. The more ignorant you were the more you fit in. It was heinous and torture and well, momma put up with it for you.
It's a year later and Hallelujah! Momma is FREE! Momma is so free and happy that she can't contain herself. Oh we went through some changes but not for what outsiders may think. Because we had always struggled this kind of financial struggle was actually something we spoke of. We switched gears and while not fast enough in some cases it was enough to keep you all exactly where you had to be. The best thing about going from six figures to zero is that all of a sudden you can be eligible for just about everything and boys were WE eligible. We received aid just long enough until momma put her game plan into action.
Yeah, I took a few months. After all it had been over two decades since I'd been without a job but to now have endless days before me where I can sleep in if I wanted was more than this working girl could comprehend! It took months before all my old habits finally began to wash away!
Here we are, a full year later. I get up somewhere between 5am and 7am on any given day (depends on what momma was up to the night before!) and I wake up smiling and listening to the birds outside my windows. It also depends on which city I wake up in but that's more on the journey I took to get me here. I either make myself some coffee or order some. I did the tea for months which I know is much healthier but there's something about having an amazing cup of latte first thing in the morning. I shower and sit down to catch up on distracting but trending news from my several go-to websites for things relevant.
Friday, January 6, 2017
Sunday, January 31, 2016
"Without You" by Chase Holfelder (Badfinger Cover)
Please watch and share. It may save a life and teach you something new.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Reputation and Revenue
There was a time integrity was everything. Companies were ruined if their scandals came to light and reputations meant the difference between being on top or ending on the bottom. Nowadays perception becomes the reality so the ones who can manipulate social opinion become king makers and dream breakers.
The beauty of being true to yourself is that you can't really change. People wish they could be more of many things in their professional life, more outspoken, more intuitive when it comes to who to trust but you can't change who you are fundamentally and you can't waste time worrying about things that have come and past. You can of course continue to be you and that can be your greatest asset.
Everyone loves a rags to riches story or a sinner finding faith and therefore peace at the end of the day. In politics and in companies there are so many who strive for their dreams and find themselves being obstacles in the paths of many, some who are not ethical or simply seeking attention and glory by cutting corners and treating others like garbage. Having had just a couple of those in a 30+ year span makes me quite lucky but that pathetic piece of garbage cost that company millions and continues to do so. I could have made taking them down my mission but being me I knew they mattered very little in the scheme of things. After all you get what you paid for and the company backed the lame horse so C'est la vie. Life had way bigger issues to gt involved in and to truly make a difference. So while they lied and tried to besmirch my good name to cover up their crimes I went to mentors whose reputations withstood the test of time, decades of civil rights advocacy, men and women who lived what they offered in advice and I learned the three things that made me realize I'd win no matter what.
1. You Are Never What People Say You Are
We've all taken those tests to help us pinpoint the type of people we are, categorize ourselves for a better understanding on how to present ourselves, for interviews or writing our biographies. Society and big business takes seriously just how we sell ourselves or come across others in group settings. We are not what we say we are, we are not what others say we are. It is hoped that people are clear and truthful when they write their resumes and biographies for profiles like Linkedin but we know there are liars out there and some good ones who get away with portraying themselves as something they are not. Then there are those who are more than they let on because they've not the words or chutzpah to be their own champions. When my boys would come to me disheartened because someone they thought was a friend had turned out to be nothing of the kind I had to explain that people are what they tend to do over a long period of time and not what they say they are.
I also explained that people are going to believe whatever they want about a person and so you shouldn't care. I am grateful for that time "in politics" because it freed me from a lifetime of feeling obligated to be more for others. Once you get targeted by those who wish to paint a different picture you begin to understand that it's a very sick and sad game to many and that real life is how you choose to live your life day to day and who you spend time with and what you devote your time to, not the garbage of gossip mongers. You will always be that picture they paint so simply embrace that picture as a character in a book written by idiots. Embrace all your characters and make them work FOR YOU.
So I taught my sons that "haters are going to hate". Those who don't like you, who wish to cause you or your reputation harm add a spotlight. They'll never change their minds so they are not relevant. Who cares. Those that care will know the truth and those who don't know you will want to get to know you to find out for themselves. As time progresses people end up in one of two categories. Those who believe the hype and so what, they don't pay your bills and those who don't and add positivity to your life. The wonderful thing about "haters" is that they add to your story, they make you legend among those who care to learn the truth and in time you can laugh at all the attempts people make to tell a story that isn't real. As long as you do not live in that reality you are above all that toxic fray. Live among the others, the people who have seen, heard and lived the reality of who you are and see beyond the gossip and lies, that is where you realize you belong.
I tell my sons to write everything down, on paper and on a personal blog because there may come a day when what people write looks nothing like what happened. Having both can help one regroup and center themselves (and it's great for evidence if needed!) What is also wonderful is taking full ownership of who you are. Normal is being in the middle of the spectrum. Being Bi-Polar and seeing how society is told of this condition, how one is treated I've come to see that it's more hype than anything. Just another way of setting people apart. That is fine with me since my condition has been one of the best reasons I've come so far in my professional life. What others see as a detriment I've come to see as my greatest asset, my symptoms. (that's a blog entry for another day) So call me crazy (pun intended) but since I've been open about it for almost a decade, whatever names or excuses people come up with to chastise me or crucify me actually mean nothing to me. Haters are going to make me legendary.
2. All Press Is Good Press
Some of the biggest names in politics have told me point blank that "all press is good press". I've seen that first hand. Having volunteered for NYC politicians since I was 13 I've seen men and women who I thought were good - and evil - come and go, rise and fall and be vindicated or persecuted in the community or press. A couple that I've come to know have gone to jail. Some have disappeared, maybe out of shame or simply they grew tired of it all, never to be heard about and others came back from jail only to soar even higher (to my amazement but apparently not to others). Revenue goes to the ones who know how to use it to their advantage, good or bad. Companies who lie, cheat and steal from their customers can either get hit hard or spin it so they bypass prosecution. We read about these things every day. This is not new.
Having taught my sons that money is merely a resource, one of many they've come to see it for what it truly is. It does not define them because there are so many other things of more value in life and with an abundance of those you don't miss having great amounts of money. I laugh because I know people whose entire lives revolves around their bank accounts, it is what defines them and they all band together and laugh and point at people who think as I do - telling the world my opinion would change if I were to be overflowing with cash. This is the funny thing, I've made a million dollars in my lifetime (http://issuu.com/trendtotrendmag/docs/jan_feb_2014_layout_final/62) and I'e have traveled outside of the United States. I might not have done a fraction of what the wealthy have but I've seen and done amazing things in my 49 years. I've also worked in so many different types of jobs that I appreciate some things in all of them. I love working with my hands as well as working on team projects. I enjoyed field work when it was honest and I enjoy conferences and expos.
Revenue will follow anything that is being sought after. Supply and demand. If the demand is for gossip then it can be supplied and some create their entire lives around commentating on lies and make millions doing so. Others fight the good fight, lose battles but write books, go on interviews and win the war when everything is laid out before the public. As long as one is alive the ability to make money is there and in some cases even after death. Funny how people who have died have found their "stock" goes up afterward and it is because of their story and because of the stories generated. There is always opportunities to make money and once you decide what is your priority, to have the truth come to light, to make money, to ruin a good name, to hide your crimes from the public and that is where public interests will follow - as well as shareholder interests so it seems.
3. It's Not Where You Fell From But Where You Land
The internet is filled with stories of scandal and people being called everything negative (or positive) under the sun and the world being the drama-voyeur that it is watches as if everyone's life is a reality show they can enjoy without consequence. The difference is some of us welcome the world to come and watch and listen and make comments and opinions on every detail because when the truth must come out it must come out in its entirety. Groups of people being treated differently from others, victims paid off to keep quiet, closing ranks around perpetrators and loyal people treated like they're the enemy. Who doesn't want to know where the saga ends?
I'd been here once before when I'd tried my own hand at being a representative of the people. Having been a school board president while under the Bloomberg Administration I'd seen greed up close and how people who were trying to make ends meet found themselves having a price when it came to selling out on the good of the children and parents they represented. It is not for the faint of heart. My saving grace for never having to make those choices were that I didn't serve two masters and didn't have to. I had a job and I wasn't going to sell my constituents down the river for some admin job at the Board of Ed. Many did though. I saw someone who was an advocate for years and only making $30,000 a year turn their back on everything they fought for in exchange for a $125,000 job made up just for the purpose of creating havoc among the parents of public school kids. I thought then it was my job that saved me, that gave me the distance from having to make such life changing decisions. Decisions that of course would have impacted my family personally but worse would have negatively impacted all those children and parents for having sold one's soul. I was lucky and I used to praise my company and give them the credit for all of my successes because the people I'd worked for since then were the best in their fields and great mentors and allies. They've since left the company and had I been given the chance every time I insisted I'd leave for lesser pay I would have been better off somewhere else but I've come to accept and appreciate where I am today because a life is never over until its over and it's never where they made you stumble but where you landed. I landed on the side of angels and as it happens, the Pope. (stay tuned as my journey is one of amazing meetings and opportunities to really make a difference)
The wonderful thing about real life is just that. Come back to my "story" and maybe you can have a front row seat to the unveiling of the truth. Real life is public. Anyone can tune in as long as you know where and when it's going to take place.
The beauty of being true to yourself is that you can't really change. People wish they could be more of many things in their professional life, more outspoken, more intuitive when it comes to who to trust but you can't change who you are fundamentally and you can't waste time worrying about things that have come and past. You can of course continue to be you and that can be your greatest asset.
Everyone loves a rags to riches story or a sinner finding faith and therefore peace at the end of the day. In politics and in companies there are so many who strive for their dreams and find themselves being obstacles in the paths of many, some who are not ethical or simply seeking attention and glory by cutting corners and treating others like garbage. Having had just a couple of those in a 30+ year span makes me quite lucky but that pathetic piece of garbage cost that company millions and continues to do so. I could have made taking them down my mission but being me I knew they mattered very little in the scheme of things. After all you get what you paid for and the company backed the lame horse so C'est la vie. Life had way bigger issues to gt involved in and to truly make a difference. So while they lied and tried to besmirch my good name to cover up their crimes I went to mentors whose reputations withstood the test of time, decades of civil rights advocacy, men and women who lived what they offered in advice and I learned the three things that made me realize I'd win no matter what.
1. You Are Never What People Say You Are
We've all taken those tests to help us pinpoint the type of people we are, categorize ourselves for a better understanding on how to present ourselves, for interviews or writing our biographies. Society and big business takes seriously just how we sell ourselves or come across others in group settings. We are not what we say we are, we are not what others say we are. It is hoped that people are clear and truthful when they write their resumes and biographies for profiles like Linkedin but we know there are liars out there and some good ones who get away with portraying themselves as something they are not. Then there are those who are more than they let on because they've not the words or chutzpah to be their own champions. When my boys would come to me disheartened because someone they thought was a friend had turned out to be nothing of the kind I had to explain that people are what they tend to do over a long period of time and not what they say they are.
I also explained that people are going to believe whatever they want about a person and so you shouldn't care. I am grateful for that time "in politics" because it freed me from a lifetime of feeling obligated to be more for others. Once you get targeted by those who wish to paint a different picture you begin to understand that it's a very sick and sad game to many and that real life is how you choose to live your life day to day and who you spend time with and what you devote your time to, not the garbage of gossip mongers. You will always be that picture they paint so simply embrace that picture as a character in a book written by idiots. Embrace all your characters and make them work FOR YOU.
So I taught my sons that "haters are going to hate". Those who don't like you, who wish to cause you or your reputation harm add a spotlight. They'll never change their minds so they are not relevant. Who cares. Those that care will know the truth and those who don't know you will want to get to know you to find out for themselves. As time progresses people end up in one of two categories. Those who believe the hype and so what, they don't pay your bills and those who don't and add positivity to your life. The wonderful thing about "haters" is that they add to your story, they make you legend among those who care to learn the truth and in time you can laugh at all the attempts people make to tell a story that isn't real. As long as you do not live in that reality you are above all that toxic fray. Live among the others, the people who have seen, heard and lived the reality of who you are and see beyond the gossip and lies, that is where you realize you belong.
I tell my sons to write everything down, on paper and on a personal blog because there may come a day when what people write looks nothing like what happened. Having both can help one regroup and center themselves (and it's great for evidence if needed!) What is also wonderful is taking full ownership of who you are. Normal is being in the middle of the spectrum. Being Bi-Polar and seeing how society is told of this condition, how one is treated I've come to see that it's more hype than anything. Just another way of setting people apart. That is fine with me since my condition has been one of the best reasons I've come so far in my professional life. What others see as a detriment I've come to see as my greatest asset, my symptoms. (that's a blog entry for another day) So call me crazy (pun intended) but since I've been open about it for almost a decade, whatever names or excuses people come up with to chastise me or crucify me actually mean nothing to me. Haters are going to make me legendary.
2. All Press Is Good Press
Some of the biggest names in politics have told me point blank that "all press is good press". I've seen that first hand. Having volunteered for NYC politicians since I was 13 I've seen men and women who I thought were good - and evil - come and go, rise and fall and be vindicated or persecuted in the community or press. A couple that I've come to know have gone to jail. Some have disappeared, maybe out of shame or simply they grew tired of it all, never to be heard about and others came back from jail only to soar even higher (to my amazement but apparently not to others). Revenue goes to the ones who know how to use it to their advantage, good or bad. Companies who lie, cheat and steal from their customers can either get hit hard or spin it so they bypass prosecution. We read about these things every day. This is not new.
Having taught my sons that money is merely a resource, one of many they've come to see it for what it truly is. It does not define them because there are so many other things of more value in life and with an abundance of those you don't miss having great amounts of money. I laugh because I know people whose entire lives revolves around their bank accounts, it is what defines them and they all band together and laugh and point at people who think as I do - telling the world my opinion would change if I were to be overflowing with cash. This is the funny thing, I've made a million dollars in my lifetime (http://issuu.com/trendtotrendmag/docs/jan_feb_2014_layout_final/62) and I'e have traveled outside of the United States. I might not have done a fraction of what the wealthy have but I've seen and done amazing things in my 49 years. I've also worked in so many different types of jobs that I appreciate some things in all of them. I love working with my hands as well as working on team projects. I enjoyed field work when it was honest and I enjoy conferences and expos.
Revenue will follow anything that is being sought after. Supply and demand. If the demand is for gossip then it can be supplied and some create their entire lives around commentating on lies and make millions doing so. Others fight the good fight, lose battles but write books, go on interviews and win the war when everything is laid out before the public. As long as one is alive the ability to make money is there and in some cases even after death. Funny how people who have died have found their "stock" goes up afterward and it is because of their story and because of the stories generated. There is always opportunities to make money and once you decide what is your priority, to have the truth come to light, to make money, to ruin a good name, to hide your crimes from the public and that is where public interests will follow - as well as shareholder interests so it seems.
3. It's Not Where You Fell From But Where You Land
The internet is filled with stories of scandal and people being called everything negative (or positive) under the sun and the world being the drama-voyeur that it is watches as if everyone's life is a reality show they can enjoy without consequence. The difference is some of us welcome the world to come and watch and listen and make comments and opinions on every detail because when the truth must come out it must come out in its entirety. Groups of people being treated differently from others, victims paid off to keep quiet, closing ranks around perpetrators and loyal people treated like they're the enemy. Who doesn't want to know where the saga ends?
I'd been here once before when I'd tried my own hand at being a representative of the people. Having been a school board president while under the Bloomberg Administration I'd seen greed up close and how people who were trying to make ends meet found themselves having a price when it came to selling out on the good of the children and parents they represented. It is not for the faint of heart. My saving grace for never having to make those choices were that I didn't serve two masters and didn't have to. I had a job and I wasn't going to sell my constituents down the river for some admin job at the Board of Ed. Many did though. I saw someone who was an advocate for years and only making $30,000 a year turn their back on everything they fought for in exchange for a $125,000 job made up just for the purpose of creating havoc among the parents of public school kids. I thought then it was my job that saved me, that gave me the distance from having to make such life changing decisions. Decisions that of course would have impacted my family personally but worse would have negatively impacted all those children and parents for having sold one's soul. I was lucky and I used to praise my company and give them the credit for all of my successes because the people I'd worked for since then were the best in their fields and great mentors and allies. They've since left the company and had I been given the chance every time I insisted I'd leave for lesser pay I would have been better off somewhere else but I've come to accept and appreciate where I am today because a life is never over until its over and it's never where they made you stumble but where you landed. I landed on the side of angels and as it happens, the Pope. (stay tuned as my journey is one of amazing meetings and opportunities to really make a difference)
The wonderful thing about real life is just that. Come back to my "story" and maybe you can have a front row seat to the unveiling of the truth. Real life is public. Anyone can tune in as long as you know where and when it's going to take place.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Latinas Who Launch Lives - An Interview With Maria Aponte, Activist, Author, Poet, Performing Artist, Educator
One of the greatest pleasures people should always acknowledge is meeting someone whose life's journey immediately impacts yours. To meet someone to look up to, who can mentor you and provide insight into the world at large is a priceless gift. In a world where we can so easily be made to feel marginalized and non-existent regardless of who we are, when we meet these people we find that we are in the presence of a pioneer in many ways.
I have always enjoyed meeting new people and when those people are known farther and wider than the circles I am familiar with it is exciting. For here is someone who fearlessly left "the nest", to go forth and "seek new experiences" beyond what they were taught and what they knew. Yes, I wanted to be just like them and when I met them I tried to soak in as much information of new things, as well as old customs, as I could.
These interviews are of such times. Welcome to my series of Latinas Who Launch Lives. For so many Latinas it seems we all have our set road to travel when it comes to family and along that road we find that circumstances veer us off and slams us into a life we would have never imagined. Along the way we meet iconic people or horrific people and we learn valuable lessons from them all. It shapes how we think, how we feel and how we proceed.
These women in this series used everything that was thrown at them to make a difference, not only for themselves and their families but also for their communities. They survive to tell the tale. They survive because they are not going to 'go off quietly or peacefully into the dark night'.
Community Arts Activist/Educator, Poet/Performance Artist, Maria works in Latino Theatre against racial discrimination and women’s rights. She has written and performed two one woman shows, Lagrimas de mis Madres an autobiographical play based on the women in her family, and I Will Not be Silenced based on the life of Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz. Maria has performed her work at various colleges/universities and conferences locally and nationally.
She has been featured on Bronx Net, News 12 and NBC Latino. In 2010, Maria received the V-DAY Award for special recognition from the Eve Ensler Foundation for “someone who has suffered or witnessed violence, and then does extraordinary work to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else in their community.” In May 2013 Maria’s book, Transitions of a Nuyorican Cinderella won 2nd Place for Best Poetry in English at the International Latino Book Awards. Maria is a Career Counselor and Coordinator of Diversity Initiatives in Career Services at Fordham University. In May 2014 Maria received her Masters in Latin American and Latino Studies from Fordham University.
Maria is currently embarking on a new journey and is spearheading an event entitled Latinas Plus 50.
"In honoring these women I am creating an annual event that will highlight the selected Latina Women over Fifty who will be invited to a community gathering where they will have an opportunity to speak about their journeys of challenges and accomplishment. The women will be honored in their specific field, be it community activism, education, law or the arts. The inaugural Latina Fifty-Plus luncheon will be held on Saturday, June 21st , 2014 at Fordham University, Bronx Campus conjunction with the East Harlem Café, and I will be collaborating with La Casa Azul Bookstore to arrange press coverage for the event." ~ Maria Aponte
As for our traditional ways of revering and respecting our elders and if our traditions respect or clash or embrace women over 50 depends on the person their background and family experience. In general, I feel that Latina women over 50 are expected to age a certain way and grow into the roles that traditionally has been held for older women. I think older women are embraced up to a certain extend. Again it goes back to the role that the woman has defined for herself from the very beginning in the family. So basically we are accepted for what we project to our families and to others. The tricky part is when one decides after several decades of doing the same thing and makes a decision to change, then it can become an issue for the rest of the family, friends. You are no longer in the familiar role that they know you for and that is the litmus test, will they accept the “new you” or not. Also, because we live in a more modernized version of what our parents and grandparents knew in terms of life style, cultural differences and interest I think that if a Latina over 50 is clear about what she wants then the support will come and should be there.
(PERSONAL NOTE: I love when mentors not only share their knowledge but also leave you with questions to ponder. Always take note. Did your mentor not only help you answer a few questions of your own but also set you on a further or new path? It is great when that happens)
Final question.
The future goal for Latina 50 Plus is to host an annual conference where Latina Elders will be invited to facilitate workshops where they can share their expertise in various career fields. Also, to start a scholarship fund for Latinas over 50 who may be in need to perhaps go back to school, take that art class, or self improvement workshop, Of course this is the concept and as the program grows this will be open to discussion. This is my vision as a Latina Elder and as someone who works with young folks all the time because I am surrounded by college age students and I hear their stories too. I want to leave them a blueprint and a map to the future and to let them know that with time it does get easier and life is meant to be lived with peace of mind and heart.
I was humbled and honored to be given some of Maria's time as she is busy and this new direction takes every moment she can allow outside of the rest of her life. Gracias hermana. May others, men and women, be made aware of the strides being made in this arena through your efforts and may you continue to impact the lives of people, whatever age, as you share your wisdom and your talents.
To support Maria in her latest endeavor, Latinas Plus 50, go to https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/latina-50-plus and donate to her crowdfunding campaign. The official website for this event is http://www.latina50plus.com/. See you at the event on June 21, 2014!
Carmen M. Colon is a mother, an engineer by trade, an education and childrens advocate, an author and a workshop facilitator on the topics of leadership, womens empowerment, career advancement and parenting.
I have always enjoyed meeting new people and when those people are known farther and wider than the circles I am familiar with it is exciting. For here is someone who fearlessly left "the nest", to go forth and "seek new experiences" beyond what they were taught and what they knew. Yes, I wanted to be just like them and when I met them I tried to soak in as much information of new things, as well as old customs, as I could.
These interviews are of such times. Welcome to my series of Latinas Who Launch Lives. For so many Latinas it seems we all have our set road to travel when it comes to family and along that road we find that circumstances veer us off and slams us into a life we would have never imagined. Along the way we meet iconic people or horrific people and we learn valuable lessons from them all. It shapes how we think, how we feel and how we proceed.
These women in this series used everything that was thrown at them to make a difference, not only for themselves and their families but also for their communities. They survive to tell the tale. They survive because they are not going to 'go off quietly or peacefully into the dark night'.
Maria Aponte
Community Arts Activist/Educator, Poet/Performance Artist, Maria works in Latino Theatre against racial discrimination and women’s rights. She has written and performed two one woman shows, Lagrimas de mis Madres an autobiographical play based on the women in her family, and I Will Not be Silenced based on the life of Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz. Maria has performed her work at various colleges/universities and conferences locally and nationally.
Maria is currently embarking on a new journey and is spearheading an event entitled Latinas Plus 50.
"In honoring these women I am creating an annual event that will highlight the selected Latina Women over Fifty who will be invited to a community gathering where they will have an opportunity to speak about their journeys of challenges and accomplishment. The women will be honored in their specific field, be it community activism, education, law or the arts. The inaugural Latina Fifty-Plus luncheon will be held on Saturday, June 21st , 2014 at Fordham University, Bronx Campus conjunction with the East Harlem Café, and I will be collaborating with La Casa Azul Bookstore to arrange press coverage for the event." ~ Maria Aponte
Interview With Maria Aponte
CMC: In a society that ostracizes women for getting older, does our traditional ways of reversing and respecting our elders clash or embrace women over 50?
Maria: In terms of ostracizing women for getting older I think that culturally we are in a transformation as to how society views women and aging. There seems to be a contradiction on how you are supposes to age, verses the idea that being youthful is still the cultural norm for acceptance. The whole concept of women aging and becoming acceptable is only about a decade old. And for as much as we publicly like to say that aging is becoming, it is not. When you look at the workforce and I say from the perspective that I work in a career counseling field, many older women and men are being phased out from their jobs because of age. When you work in a very youth oriented workforce the older woman tends to be shut out because they are placed in a category where they are related to the younger person’s parents age or what their concept of the older person should be and then the dynamics of interaction change.As for our traditional ways of revering and respecting our elders and if our traditions respect or clash or embrace women over 50 depends on the person their background and family experience. In general, I feel that Latina women over 50 are expected to age a certain way and grow into the roles that traditionally has been held for older women. I think older women are embraced up to a certain extend. Again it goes back to the role that the woman has defined for herself from the very beginning in the family. So basically we are accepted for what we project to our families and to others. The tricky part is when one decides after several decades of doing the same thing and makes a decision to change, then it can become an issue for the rest of the family, friends. You are no longer in the familiar role that they know you for and that is the litmus test, will they accept the “new you” or not. Also, because we live in a more modernized version of what our parents and grandparents knew in terms of life style, cultural differences and interest I think that if a Latina over 50 is clear about what she wants then the support will come and should be there.
CMC: In your opinion, what do women over 50 have an advantage of over their younger sisters?
Maria: What women over 50 have over our younger sisters is time. And this is a personal comment not all women over 50 may feel this way. I feel that what we have is the wisdom of time. We have lived long enough to speak from that place of having had to deal with life in all its stages and have learned from our mistakes and are willing to move forward and let stuff go when we have to. I am not saying that younger women don’t I know some amazing younger women who are handling their lives very nicely and with strength. But there is something about being a woman in her 50‘s and older and the aging process that fortifies the spirit, especially after you have gone through menopause. There is a feeling of coming full circle with certain aspects of your life. That feeling of not doing enough or wondering if what you’re doing works passes. You are more settled in who and what you are. Because we have been through so many changes in terms of culture, society, history, modernization those life experiences do not come over night. I can certainly tell you that I don’t live nor think the way I did in my 20’s 30’s or 40’s. For me those were what I call the “life ladder lessons”. It was in learning how to deal with loss, death, and being alone that taught me how to be my best friend first. So imagine going through all of that and realize that you can have a certain kind of peace of mind that you value more than material things?(PERSONAL NOTE: I love when mentors not only share their knowledge but also leave you with questions to ponder. Always take note. Did your mentor not only help you answer a few questions of your own but also set you on a further or new path? It is great when that happens)
Final question.
CMC: If you could please speak to the motivation and inspiration that moved you to begin this journey, can you tell us where would you like to see this event lead and progress to?
Maria: The reason I started Latina 50 Plus is because I felt that the voices of the Latina women over 50 was not being given that space to acknowledge their experiences. Particularly that my generation and older grew up in a time where it was not expected of us to be no more than what society wanted us to be. Our roles in life were delegated to being uneducated, working menial jobs and never to have the opportunity to go beyond high school let alone college. But that was not the way it was many of us went to college started careers were the groundbreakers for many social and cultural programs that started and are still in existence today, or have transformed into other programs. I wanted to create a program that would honor those women who stayed behind to make something work for their children and their community. Create a space for them to tell their stories and histories, especially their histories because history is slowly disappearing. I think it would be good for our younger sisters to learn from these women in their own words what it took to get to this place where information is dispensed instantly from those who put in those years of work and sacrifice to make life a lot easier for others today.The future goal for Latina 50 Plus is to host an annual conference where Latina Elders will be invited to facilitate workshops where they can share their expertise in various career fields. Also, to start a scholarship fund for Latinas over 50 who may be in need to perhaps go back to school, take that art class, or self improvement workshop, Of course this is the concept and as the program grows this will be open to discussion. This is my vision as a Latina Elder and as someone who works with young folks all the time because I am surrounded by college age students and I hear their stories too. I want to leave them a blueprint and a map to the future and to let them know that with time it does get easier and life is meant to be lived with peace of mind and heart.
Thank you Maria Aponte.
Considering that I will be 50 shortly myself, this interview resonated with me on so many levels. As I am embarking on a voyage of rocky and frightening proportions, to meet such an individual as Maria always feels as if fate stepped in and reminded me that we have to seek out our next steps and solutions as they do not land in our laps as some would have you believe.I was humbled and honored to be given some of Maria's time as she is busy and this new direction takes every moment she can allow outside of the rest of her life. Gracias hermana. May others, men and women, be made aware of the strides being made in this arena through your efforts and may you continue to impact the lives of people, whatever age, as you share your wisdom and your talents.
To support Maria in her latest endeavor, Latinas Plus 50, go to https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/latina-50-plus and donate to her crowdfunding campaign. The official website for this event is http://www.latina50plus.com/. See you at the event on June 21, 2014!
Carmen M. Colon is a mother, an engineer by trade, an education and childrens advocate, an author and a workshop facilitator on the topics of leadership, womens empowerment, career advancement and parenting.
She is writing a book on a series of "Dear Sons" letters to her three sons on an array of topics and issues and is conducting a set of interviews with Latinas whose personal journeys have impacted other lives beyond their own circles. It is called Latinas Who Launch Lives. Both books will be out early 2015.
Carmen's website is http://carmenmcolon.info
Carmen's books can be found online at both Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/carmencolon and Barnes and Noble at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/carmen-m-colon.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Bullying In the Workplace
There are all types of discrimination, not just the obvious ones. At the workplace, now with companies completely aware that they can be held liable, especially. Yet it is there, beneath the surface, one person’s way to manipulate another.
As a Latina I’ve grown up being told what my rights are. My family is in Law Enforcement. I take justice seriously. I take equality seriously. So what does one do when they work in a place that allows inequality? Should I do as I’m constantly told and keep my head down and just show up so that I can receive a check? Or do I complain, as is my right? What if in complaining and tipping the “apple cart” the powers that be put blinders on and allow Management to harass the squeaky wheel?
It’s funny and sad. I recognize that my saving grace is my sense of self – they can never take that away from me and me knowing my rights are the only thing that keeps me calm when I am threatened. And I am threatened, every day. For every day that things do not change, for every day that injustice is allowed where I work, I know I must say something. I tried for a time to let things be but I could not. There are people all over the world suffering and I feel it heavily weighing on me – my silence.
I could not be silent anymore, so I complained and they pushed back and maligned my character and are trying to attack the only thing they know how to do, my paycheck and I can not stay silent. They want to judge me on technicalities and ask that no one look at the big picture, their big picture. But I learned from the best, the very officers of the company. I know they want more of me, not of them.
They sapped anything of true purpose from that place. They don't follow their own company rules and yet it will be me who will have to prove my worth. Well, my entire life has been about service. Let them try to besmirch that.
As a Latina I’ve grown up being told what my rights are. My family is in Law Enforcement. I take justice seriously. I take equality seriously. So what does one do when they work in a place that allows inequality? Should I do as I’m constantly told and keep my head down and just show up so that I can receive a check? Or do I complain, as is my right? What if in complaining and tipping the “apple cart” the powers that be put blinders on and allow Management to harass the squeaky wheel?
It’s funny and sad. I recognize that my saving grace is my sense of self – they can never take that away from me and me knowing my rights are the only thing that keeps me calm when I am threatened. And I am threatened, every day. For every day that things do not change, for every day that injustice is allowed where I work, I know I must say something. I tried for a time to let things be but I could not. There are people all over the world suffering and I feel it heavily weighing on me – my silence.
I could not be silent anymore, so I complained and they pushed back and maligned my character and are trying to attack the only thing they know how to do, my paycheck and I can not stay silent. They want to judge me on technicalities and ask that no one look at the big picture, their big picture. But I learned from the best, the very officers of the company. I know they want more of me, not of them.
They sapped anything of true purpose from that place. They don't follow their own company rules and yet it will be me who will have to prove my worth. Well, my entire life has been about service. Let them try to besmirch that.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Dear Sons Failing Is Fundamental
Dear Sons;
Failing truly is fundamental so when you do fail and may feel like often I want you to welcome it the same you would a win-fall. I know you must think mom's screws are more loose than usual but they are not. We've had the talks about doing your best and giving everything your all if you want to succeed but I don't ever want you to forget that a huge part of succeeding is knowing how to fail.
The world will tell you that failing is bad but it's not. Failing is good and it's a part of getting to your goal. The world has become a stupid place, where you're told that if you make a mistake, even the first time around you're a failure. That if you try over and over but don't get to to a specific goal then you are not worth anything. Well you know what mom has to say about that right. The world can take a long walk off a short pier.
Don't EVER get on the merry-go-round hamster wheel that society has created for knuckleheads. Trust your momma when she tells you that life is not what you see on your screens or your apps. It's so much better! You see, no matter what you do in life, if you see the positives in your failures, you will always find joy and true success!
Ok, so here's how it works. You're going to be in a race on field day at school and you are set to run against three of your classmates. You do the three things I always tell you to do: you plan, you prepare and you practice! So, you know that if your race is on Friday and it's say a week away, you start immediately to take note of where you are that moment. What are your resources and tools? SO you plan your meals and you plan to practice so you have a better idea of how the race will feel. You prepare yourself, your body, your mind. You take each day as a learning experience towards your goal and you take notes on the things that you learn about yourself along the way. Remember the whole experience is the journey, not just the day of the event!
The big day comes and you're as ready as you can be right! Mom says you GIVE IT YOUR ALL! You go in with every intention of reaching that finish line. Then what happens? Maybe you trip or someone else trips and throws you off or you simply come in second or third. Does this mean you failed? NO! It just means you reached the finish line after someone else - THAT TIME. Or maybe you didn't reach the finish line - THAT TIME.
Apply that to other things, from getting someone to say yes to going on a date or landing the job you wanted or losing five pounds in a month. Did you plan? Did you prepare? Did you practice? So you fall short. SO WHAT. Falling short is not failing. Failing is stopping. Failing is giving up. Failing is quitting. (unless you're reading my other letter about how sometimes quitting is not failing but succeeding - emotionally.)
If you get to finish line first, great! If you get that job or that date or lose that weight, great! But if you don't THAT TIME, that doesn't mean you won't in the future, as long as you take notes on what you did and look and see where you can change things to make the next time better. YES, THE NEXT TIME. With every try you learn more and more. See, failing to get somewhere once is just that first try. I can overload you with dozens of quotes about trying and trying until you succeed but the truth is that every time you try you ARE succeeding - in getting just one more step closer to figuring things out.
I can't tell you how many times I've fallen short, in my professional life as well as my personal life. But it wasn't always for too long because I wouldn't stop trying. I didn't stop trying to find a job or project that provided me with what I wanted, whether it was personal satisfaction or simply money. I never stopped trying to find love even though my heart had been broken. I didn't stop looking for answers even though the questions sometimes felt as if they were getting harder. Each "failure" at each try was just a step, up, down, sideways, it didn't matter! It didn't matter because it was a learning step. If I did the exact same thing and got the exact same result well then, I learned that was all I was going to get unless I changed something. That includes even my attitude!
Also never forget. ALl those "notes" I tell you to take down? THAT IS YOUR ARSENAL. With everything you learn about what went wrong or right with a decision you made, you create a new weapon. A new piece of data for your hard drive on life. You fortify your bankability by having experiences that brings you lessons and teachings you about yourself and others. It's okay to go into something and win at it a first time. It's great if you can do it over and over but no one is guaranteed success every time, so be ready.
So darlings, think about what you want to succeed in, plan to succeed, prepare yourself and practice if you can so that you can better gauge what you need to do when the time comes and above all else - GIVE IT YOUR ALL! With each shot you take you really are succeeding, in your life.
Love you so very very much,
Mom
Love Mom
Carmen M. Colon is a mother, an engineer, an education and childrens advocate, an author and a workshop facilitator on the topics of leadership, womens empowerment, career advancement and parenting.
She is writing a series of "Dear Kids" letters to her three sons on a series of topics and issues.
Her website is http://carmenmcolon.info
Her books can be found online: http://amazon.com/author/carmencolon
Mother to three amazing self sufficient civic minded sons. Devin Christopher, 25, Fashion Designer, college student in NYC and youngest athletic director ever hired at a major sports complex in NYC. Antonio Fernandez, 20, choreographer, dancer, model, college student in NYC, has already performed with Cyndi Lauper at the Beacon Theatre and simply ready for his close-up. Taylor Aidan, almost 18 (at this release), HS Senior in NYC, amazing singer who is studying to be the next greatest sign language interpreter the world's ever known. (DISCLAIMER: Ok, mom wrote that.)
Failing truly is fundamental so when you do fail and may feel like often I want you to welcome it the same you would a win-fall. I know you must think mom's screws are more loose than usual but they are not. We've had the talks about doing your best and giving everything your all if you want to succeed but I don't ever want you to forget that a huge part of succeeding is knowing how to fail.
The world will tell you that failing is bad but it's not. Failing is good and it's a part of getting to your goal. The world has become a stupid place, where you're told that if you make a mistake, even the first time around you're a failure. That if you try over and over but don't get to to a specific goal then you are not worth anything. Well you know what mom has to say about that right. The world can take a long walk off a short pier.
Don't EVER get on the merry-go-round hamster wheel that society has created for knuckleheads. Trust your momma when she tells you that life is not what you see on your screens or your apps. It's so much better! You see, no matter what you do in life, if you see the positives in your failures, you will always find joy and true success!
Ok, so here's how it works. You're going to be in a race on field day at school and you are set to run against three of your classmates. You do the three things I always tell you to do: you plan, you prepare and you practice! So, you know that if your race is on Friday and it's say a week away, you start immediately to take note of where you are that moment. What are your resources and tools? SO you plan your meals and you plan to practice so you have a better idea of how the race will feel. You prepare yourself, your body, your mind. You take each day as a learning experience towards your goal and you take notes on the things that you learn about yourself along the way. Remember the whole experience is the journey, not just the day of the event!
The big day comes and you're as ready as you can be right! Mom says you GIVE IT YOUR ALL! You go in with every intention of reaching that finish line. Then what happens? Maybe you trip or someone else trips and throws you off or you simply come in second or third. Does this mean you failed? NO! It just means you reached the finish line after someone else - THAT TIME. Or maybe you didn't reach the finish line - THAT TIME.
Apply that to other things, from getting someone to say yes to going on a date or landing the job you wanted or losing five pounds in a month. Did you plan? Did you prepare? Did you practice? So you fall short. SO WHAT. Falling short is not failing. Failing is stopping. Failing is giving up. Failing is quitting. (unless you're reading my other letter about how sometimes quitting is not failing but succeeding - emotionally.)
If you get to finish line first, great! If you get that job or that date or lose that weight, great! But if you don't THAT TIME, that doesn't mean you won't in the future, as long as you take notes on what you did and look and see where you can change things to make the next time better. YES, THE NEXT TIME. With every try you learn more and more. See, failing to get somewhere once is just that first try. I can overload you with dozens of quotes about trying and trying until you succeed but the truth is that every time you try you ARE succeeding - in getting just one more step closer to figuring things out.
I can't tell you how many times I've fallen short, in my professional life as well as my personal life. But it wasn't always for too long because I wouldn't stop trying. I didn't stop trying to find a job or project that provided me with what I wanted, whether it was personal satisfaction or simply money. I never stopped trying to find love even though my heart had been broken. I didn't stop looking for answers even though the questions sometimes felt as if they were getting harder. Each "failure" at each try was just a step, up, down, sideways, it didn't matter! It didn't matter because it was a learning step. If I did the exact same thing and got the exact same result well then, I learned that was all I was going to get unless I changed something. That includes even my attitude!
Also never forget. ALl those "notes" I tell you to take down? THAT IS YOUR ARSENAL. With everything you learn about what went wrong or right with a decision you made, you create a new weapon. A new piece of data for your hard drive on life. You fortify your bankability by having experiences that brings you lessons and teachings you about yourself and others. It's okay to go into something and win at it a first time. It's great if you can do it over and over but no one is guaranteed success every time, so be ready.
So darlings, think about what you want to succeed in, plan to succeed, prepare yourself and practice if you can so that you can better gauge what you need to do when the time comes and above all else - GIVE IT YOUR ALL! With each shot you take you really are succeeding, in your life.
Love you so very very much,
Mom
Love Mom
Carmen M. Colon is a mother, an engineer, an education and childrens advocate, an author and a workshop facilitator on the topics of leadership, womens empowerment, career advancement and parenting.
She is writing a series of "Dear Kids" letters to her three sons on a series of topics and issues.
Her website is http://carmenmcolon.info
Her books can be found online: http://amazon.com/author/carmencolon
Mother to three amazing self sufficient civic minded sons. Devin Christopher, 25, Fashion Designer, college student in NYC and youngest athletic director ever hired at a major sports complex in NYC. Antonio Fernandez, 20, choreographer, dancer, model, college student in NYC, has already performed with Cyndi Lauper at the Beacon Theatre and simply ready for his close-up. Taylor Aidan, almost 18 (at this release), HS Senior in NYC, amazing singer who is studying to be the next greatest sign language interpreter the world's ever known. (DISCLAIMER: Ok, mom wrote that.)
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