Saturday, April 15, 2017

Forget The "What Ifs"

What If this... What If that...

For my sons. In 1999 I had a moment that could and would have changed everything. I was asked if I would marry a man who was affluent in a Fortune 500 company. The one thing I was to give up on was raising the three of you. He had no interest, the selfish prig, to being a step-father to three young black boys from Brooklyn.
He proposed one year after we began seeing each other. On that night I said no. I walked away from a life of "who knows". Less indulgence than many many have thought since this man was not a generous man to begin with but that never mattered to me. It's not what drew me and it's not what kept me away. I said no and so I placed myself into a decade long "booty-call" status that I was unaware of but I got to have all of you. Good, bad, indifferent I was able to have my sons and raise them however I could.
The man of means did little to help me raise you and who cares.
All I cared about was being there, as much as possible, to be a mother that made sure her sons had a chance at lives that meant they made differences in society. Along the way mom had a bunch of issues put upon her. She had a few minutes in the limelight but that meant nothing in the end. But I loved being at your school every day for the first ten years of each of your lives. I did get to do that.
When the day came, when I really needed help and I reached out to the man I'd been faithful to for over a decade he did what you'd expect. he threw me to the wolves and pretended he did n't know me and regardless if I knew all of his skeletons, they would only be good for a 15 minute webisode, nothing of substance.
I spent the next 30 years raising three gorgeous amazing young men and their dad (a whole other saga) and I've never been prouder.

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