Sunday, December 4, 2016

Dear Sons, Let Me School You About The Power Of Abandonment

During this man-made and created tradition and holiday I have tried to teach you about the true history of where you come from. There is nothing wrong with taking a major time out to recognize your family, to gather, to enjoy one another and to give personal thanks for your blessings. I simply stopped doing it wrapped in this ridiculous ritual of turkey and pernil and football and the third week of November.

See, we gave thanks every day because every day we never knew what resources we had to get us through it or that week. As I worked and spent more time making others money and as I allowed strangers to take care of you, my legacy, I learned early on (maybe not early enough) that to keep you all rooted in reality was our only way of survival. So keeping you close became the priority, not following the money or the love interest. We all know and have come to learn those were too fickle to see us through when it counted and so we not only existed without a huge need of either but an appreciation for a life where we were never dependent on huge amounts of either.

Our saving grace after your dad and I divorced was my breakdown and telling three little boys that I had no clue how we were going to survive but that I'd share the journey and yes the burden with you so that we would all hopefully come out of it alive together. Look at us now, 20 years later.

2016 was the year earmarked to signify I had done it. I had not only kept my promise to myself that each of you would be men fully equipped to go out into the world and take care of yourselves and your own destiny, it was to be the year I made my own way for myself. Little did I know that it would be the year that defined me by my vulnerabilities. Your mom had lost that edge, that sharp ability to keep bullshit at the door and not bring it inside. But inside it came and all over the house I allowed it to roam. I'd given my heart and soul to a liar, a cheat, an abuser of trust and kindness. Well. We can't help who we fall for, can we. Especially after almost a decade of lies how are we to suspect.

The breakdown was complete. But what saved me, of all things was that I was not unfamiliar with being abandoned by those I expected to trust. In fact you'd grown up watching me and my good heart being taken advantage of by selfish slugs in love and in business. You'd watched me divorce your dad who sadly married too young and learned too late that he should always remain a bachelor. You watched the company I was loyal to for decades day in and out at work throw me under the bus rather than admit they were cutting corners to save a few bucks.

Over the years there was always a story of how your mom was taken advantage of and after each story you all kept telling me to not help people ever again. There was no one out there to trust. What you may not have realized is that after each event there were dozens of friends who were supportive who championed us and softened the blow. That after every betrayal there was an opportunity that lead me to some of my best and greatest accomplishments. So for every scummy bottom-feeder there were many who revived my belief that most people are good and caring. It was those people who I surrounded you with, to show you the better side of humanity.

I know taking the brunt of the betrayal wore me down but always keeping it real with you kept me alive. Knowing that your mom was abandoned by family, work colleagues, clients, a lover, some who called themselves friend might have been hard to witness but you also saw me rise from it to find others who truly were honorable. It took a self-centered woman who couldn't simply pay her invoice that led me to meeting royalty and gaining the respects of those in positions of influence. It took heartbreak to lead me to legends. It took an industry wannabee who spent years taking for her own gain to lead me to meeting those in the industry that actually set the trends and the tones for it.

There will always be people who will take advantage of my good nature, of my desire to make a difference but what I want you to know is that if I stopped being me I'd be closing myself off from doing the things that bring me the greatest pleasure. In doing right by people and leaving behind those who did me wrong I gained the respect and admiration from so many who do make a world of difference in the lives of others. For every betrayal I have been given blessings and adventures so many have never had.

You learn the true character of people when they you see how they treat you and your kindness. There are the takers, the givers and the sharers. I may have heart wrenching stories of the takers but for each one I have lifetime memories of amazing giving and sharing from some of the world's best known human beings. A life of service to your community is a life of blessings. Of that I am most certain. Good thing I raised you all right and with each one of your daily posts I see that and I am totally happy and fulfilled.

Love Mom

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