Monday, February 17, 2014

Dear Sons Haters Are ALWAYS Gonna Hate So Don't Fall For The Hate And Switch

Dear Sons;

You know your mom works out in the community and that I'm in the public eye a bit. Not every mom gets interviewed by the New York Times or goes on television on 20/20. You also know that I surround myself with other people who are also out there doing their thing, sometimes also before an audience larger than our city block, our school, our house of worship or our borough/city/town.

You know why I do it, out of a sense of purpose, out of trying to make a decent living so that I can raise you to be civic minded concerned pro-active citizens of our society. The people I have brought into our lives I hope have also shown their altruistic sides for the best that I can do for you is provide you with live human being examples of how to be in this world. Sure, there have been some bad characters that have infiltrated our circles of trust but in time we saw through them and your mom stays away from those sorry miserable people.

But haters gonna hate. There will always be people who will find something negative to say about your mom or the people in our lives. You know what I always say though, "they've nothing better to do than to try and rip someone down instead of simply letting be". They're going to take that "hate" - or maybe let's call it ignorance, jealousy, malice and then try to flip the script. I've learned after all these years that the more people say bad things about your mom the more they give me free publicity. Hey, if they are going to spend energy in talking about me then I hope they add my website link afterward so others can go themselves to check out the one being talked about. (Why pay for website help when there are too many opinionated people looking to do nothing more with their time than just give their opinion).

Don't get me wrong, your mom has a blog based COMPLETELY ON MY OPINION! I write about conversations that I have with amazing people and write about THEIR OPINION. Yet this world has come to the TwitterTwit Age where people think their opinion means more than someone else's. Don't waste your time on that my dears. When you READ or SEE an article or an interview and you find things within the interview that you agree with then you take that with you. If you disagree then you take that with you too. But what do I always tell you my dears? THINK FOR YOURSELVES! When the conversations turn to the things that make people most uncomfortable then you see people at their worst. It is so sad that instead of adding value to the discussion they'd prefer to add noise and melodrama and spectacle. But if it's worth discussing, it's worth taking the hard knocks. No one ever said it would be easy.

Don't fall prey to wasteful distractions of hate mongering. "We ain't got time for that!" Also, don't worry about mommy and the role models I bring to you, we see how the world is. We speak to give people something to think about - FOR THEMSELVES, something to begin a dialogue with. Stay away from those people who swear their thoughts are Gospel, they are not. They will try to get into the conversation fighting everything and then demanding everyone's attention so as to make themselves feel important. Hate and Switch. "Sorry!" I tell them. I don't have time for that nonsense. If you've nothing of value to add but your negativity then you can leave that mess at the door.

There will be times when people gossip, spread rumors and you know what I always say. "If you're so obsessed with me and compelled and are going to say anything about me, make it big and make it interesting!" You add to my value by highlighting your weaknesses. I guess being out in public, trying to do all I can to be a contributing member of my community isn't always easy. Some people just enjoy trying to trip others and see them fall. Don't ever let those people get to you. You have seen me in projects all of your young lives and you have seen the haters come and go and when you and I reminisce and you ask where are they now you can all laugh because often it's nowhere special. Their hatred has held them back.

Face forward my dears, don't waste time and energy on gossip. Be too busy living your life and contributing to your world so you have no time to give any thought to those who want to sap you of your energy or your momentum. As for your mom, she's "old hat" at this and is thinking of giving a class called, "How Haters Can Make You Famous!"

Life can be a treacherous journey my dears. My favorite quote about it is, "Life is simple, just not easy." Keep your focus, keep it simple but know that for those things that matter you'll have to wade through the garbage and that always includes the opinions of others. See for yourselves, hear for yourselves, think for yourselves.

I'm off to my next literary adventure. I love you.


Carmen M. Colon is a mother, an engineer, an education and childrens advocate, an author and a workshop facilitator on the topics of leadership, womens empowerment, career advancement and parenting.
She is writing a series of "Dear Kids" letters to her three sons on a series of topics and issues.
Her website is
Her books can be found online:

Mother to three amazing self sufficient civic minded sons. Devin Christopher, 25, Fashion Designer, college student in NYC and youngest athletic director ever hired at a major sports complex in NYC. Antonio Fernandez, 20, choreographer, dancer, model, college student in NYC, has already performed with Cyndi Lauper at the Beacon Theatre and simply ready for his close-up. Taylor Aidan, almost 18 (at this release), HS Senior in NYC, amazing singer who is studying to be the next greatest sign language interpreter the world's ever known. (DISCLAIMER: Ok, mom wrote that.)

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