Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Dear Sons Time Is More Precious Than Sex So Don't Give That Away Either

Dear Sons;

The one thing I can tell you about being in love is that you end up making mistakes. Sometimes over and over but that's not so bad if you learn from them. What I've learned from loving humanity, loving my community, loving my causes and loving the men and women that have crossed my path is this: give them your time and you've declared your love. People will WASTE YOUR TIME trying to distract you with things that don't matter on the LIVE YOUR LIFE scale. "Oh don't love this one, they're too self absorbed or don't commit to that cause it will sap you of your energy AND your money." TEll them this: "I am not here to live for you. Go live your own life."

Oh there are people and causes that I've "lived for", ones that I've devoted so much of my time, energy, emotions, my body and my money to and I've no regrets. I'd done it because I'd made the choice to and so like a mature human being I take full responsibility for all of my actions - even the crazy ones. At the end of the day I chased after that one because I wanted to, or I joined that association or campaign because I WANTED TO. Me, not the people who kept buzzing in my ear and my inbox with their pearls of wisdom being given ever so freely from their hiding place behind their laptops.

The one good thing about having me go before you in this journey called life is that I will not steer you into danger if I can help it. I am your litmus test to the best of my ability and I know that if I can prepare you to make choices that feel right to you, if I can show you that taking sole responsibility for those choices will make you great men of courage and wisdom then I have been the mother I should be.

"The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them."
Frank A. Clark


I know I spoil you all because you three are my treasures, my most precious love in this universe and any other.(Your mom is a sci-fi fan, so sue me) I over indulge you at times and show you some of the better things in life when I am able so that you can seek out your own passions and ignite your own curiosities. I introduce you to people that I feel will enrich your life not complicate it. But I am your mother and I do it willingly and with unconditional love. I also know I am razor sharp when I have to be, I pull no punches, I take no prisoners and I make sure that the punishment will always give you more than pause if you EVEN THINK of repeating something you knew you shouldn't have. I did this so that you would hopefully never have outsiders judge you, punish you, or alter your life. Or when you came before those who might wish to be judge and jury then you would know that those are the ones you must prepare yourselves for. This world is dangerous, people are unpredictable, circumstances are unpredictable but you'll have a fighting chance to survive it if I have anything to do with it. (Terminator 1 and 2 really did a job on me, thank you Linda Hamilton)

I've never kept anything too serious from you while you were growing up, after all I was parenting you on my own. You might have had both mom and dad but dad was always more comfortable being your playmate and your friend. The hard choices were made by me, the groundwork to surviving had to be figured out by me. Time has afforded me the ability to understand choices made by others including your father and so I no longer resent anyone. That's a load off my shoulders and it was the first hint I got as to how I would find happiness in life.

Hanging on for years to old concepts and old feelings of resentment, anger, fear and even love will sap you of your youth, your strength, your prospects and your life: PERIOD. Understanding time would be the key. Let the bad stuff go, let it all go and let those people go. There is only one path to follow and my loves, that's your own. So when you love something, a cause, a goal, a person, a community, give the one thing you can never get back but give it wisely - your time. You can be in a love affair and give of your body, your money, your emotions but when you give up your time you are giving more of yourself than any other gift. Your body will forget, your spirit will learn to soar again and your emotions will heal and wisen up and learn but time you can't get back.

Pining for people to love you back when they don't is a waste. Working for a community that doesn't appreciate all the back breaking and hard working things you contribute means that they don't deserve you, least of all your time. Working towards a goal based on the promise of others or on the promise of money or happiness is a road you don't want to take because you may not reach that goal but you'll have given up all that time. Your journey, each choice you make, each turn you take, that's yours, that's your life. If you make money or lose money while you're on that journey so be it, but making money isn't the reason to alter your choices. We have lived with little and we have lived comfortably and while we joke about being happy to live with great abundance we have seen what that does to people who get that as well.

My love, I might have had to split my time with many while you three were growing up but it was so that I can give you what you needed. Now that you three are on your own journeys, each of you in college seeking your own passions and your own purpose, you see dear ole mom loving our time together. I am blissfully happy on those days I can spend an hour or so with each of you and I am tickled pink when I am in all of your company at once that I can barely contain myself. My three princes, my three loves, my three reasons for being on this earth. For you I will always make time. So when you spend time with others, when you spend time on projects, when you spend time with friends, always make sure they are worthy of it. Don't take excuses and don't let your love for others ever outweigh your love for yourself. Time here on earth isn't promised; a kiss, a hug, that's nice. A conversation, a late night chat even more beautiful. A pat on the back is okay, a certificate, a statue, an article of acknowledgement is fine but days of longing, wishing, hoping to be noticed, no. Don't let it get to that.

There are so many out there looking for you to grace their lives, whether personally or in business. Go out, explore, follow your instincts, discover many things and let them find you and share the one thing that is truly precious, their time.


Now, who has got time to pick me up tonight?

Mom

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